Off Time
by Pylea Princess
Summary: I'm reposting, dig it. Superman, Slashly Wesley, Barney smootches, read? my friends love it, so i posted it for you! :)


2004

WE Don not own Superman, Angel, Cordelia, Wesley, Or any PBS programs, only the messed up plot and Lola, :)

Italicized- Mary

Bold- Maryanna

Ok, the word is out! The people want details! & DETAILS THEY SHALL GET! WOO-HOO! Anyway….

"LA, it's a dark gloomy place. Where spookies go bump in the night & lawyers run amuck! With all these evils out there, whom can you turn to? Who will be your beacon of light in this dark abyss of hopelessness? Who will be there to banish the creatures that lurk in the underbelly that is the bright, shiny Los Angeles area? I'll tell ya who…Angel investigations!".

"No, Cordelia. I don't think Angel would go along with what your idea of the new comercial for our agency" Wesley said. "Pfft! Why not? It's totally awesome! Plus I had to buy a dictionary for it! I demand workman's comp!" Cord was in an outrage.

Wesley massaged the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I think it hardly counts as 'workman's comp' when the employer knows nothing of it. Besides, aren't we with Superman & Lola now? In your commercial, you only intend to show Angel saving you…. Hey! I'm not even in it!" "Wesley (rolls eyes) the people don't want to see the boring book man! They want action, fast things, & sexiness, aka, me" cord explained, not really in Wesley's opinion though.

" I hope you know I am more than _just_ 'boring book man' as you so politely addressed me! I help in the battles & even get to drive… a little, but that's beside the point! I have a motorcycle! That must count for something!" Wesley was desperate.

"Geeze Wes, didn't mean to trample your toes or anything, it's just, you're really not commercial material.". "Cordelia, may I remind you that the need for this commercial is abysmal. There is no Angel Investigations anymore. Remember, the building blew up! I still have scars! We simply call ourselves the members of Angel Investigations for no one has thought of a name for us. Thank cheese." Wesley said. "I guess you're right. It's just that, I'm SO BORED! Ever since all of us rescued the mayor's cookie jar, the dust has collected on the world known as our action!" Corde spilled her heart out.

"Indeed" Wesley cleaned his specks & pretended to understand just what exactly it was that Cordelia had said. "Don't worry, soon enough we'll be swamped with cases" "I can only hope" Corde smiled.

Angel then walked down the stairs, with a sack of something? "Hey Angel" "Good day Angel". "Oh uh hey. See ya" & he went down to the basement. "See no action packed 24/7" Cora sighed. I wonder what was in that suspicious sack? Thought Wesley.

10 minutes later, they heard a weird noise coming from the basement. "Dear cheese! Whatever is that!" Wesley asked scared. Cordelia looked not interested as she watched the Teletubies… "My word! Cordelia! Does that disturbing noise not bother you!?" Wesley practically panicked. "Probably some weird vamp thing. Superman does weird Superman things , so why not Angel?" Cordelia dismissed the noises & continued to watch the furry TV thingies on well, TV. "Hey do you think the Teletubies could watch their own show on those TV's? Or if they even get cable? Or if they watch all the naughty shows on commercials?" Cordelia asked distractedly.

The noises from the basement got louder, & well as it usually goes, LOUDER! "Corde! The noises! What ever do they mean! Why will no one tell me! AHHHHHHHH!" Wesley worriedly ran in circles & cleaned his glasses, which is until he slipped & knocked into the couch, disrupting Cora's TV bonding with her four new friends.

"Wesley! The TV creatures are talking! Shhh! If you care so much about the 'noises' then stop bugging me & go check it out!" Cordelia was not happy about Wesley's foolish talking through this oh so very important show. "Alright then, I shall! I'll take a crossbow & if you don't see me in 10 mins, or hear me scream, come as quick as you can!" Wesley tried to sound brave through his nervousness.

"Sure whatever. If I hear screaming come in 10 mins later, got it" Cordelia said, obviously not achieving the 'it' of 'got it'.

All right, I'll just be really quite & open the door & (gulp) defeat the evil! Wesley thought & then promptly slipped on a sock! By doing so, he banged into the door. "Nice going smart one" Said Cora, taking off enough time to mock Wesley. "I did that on purpose, to uh, to uh, uhm, well.. . Shut up!" Wesley ran in threw the now open door lightning quick & pointed the crossbow.

"Angel! I am here to save you from the… Washing machine?" Wesley was puzzled. "Was that the horrible noise?" he asked. "Yeah, sorry if it scared you, but who can refuse warm laundry?" Angel showed Wesley the laundry.

Wesley gingerly picked up a shirt & felt it. "My word. It's so warm!" he said. "I know. Everything is so warm & fluffy! With springtime fresh!" Angel smelled another shirt. Wesley did too. "Oh, it is so very lovely." Wesley agreed. "Duh. Why do you think I like laundry so much?" Angel laughed.

"Awe how sweet? What is it, 'Two Men & a Dryer'" Lola mocked suddenly coming from the top of the stairs. "Uh, no" Angel threw the shirt in the basket. "Ha ha! You're weird!" Superman laughed at them. "It's perfectly natural to enjoy springtime freshness" Wesley defended them.

"Right. But we'll have to talk about that later. Right now we need to uh…. Lola why did we come here?" Superman asked. Men Lola thought. "We came here because we're all going to have a party" Lola said. "Party?" Cord said poking her head into the room. "Yes Lola has informed us a party we seem to be having or possibly arriving" Wesley flattened it.

"Well not exactly," Lola said. "What then?" Angel asked, tense. "You all have to go under cover" Lola said. "All?" Superman asked. "Well it's just you three." Lola said. "WHAT" all three men asked. "JOKING" Lola & Corde laughed.

"That's not funny" Angel said. "Someone might have gotten hurt" Superman said. "Indeed joking about party is dangerous to one's health" Wesley agreed. Losers both Lola & Cor thought. Which when you think about it is weird & suddenly gives my story a plot! I er, mean uh, gee I guess there really isn't any backing out of that one huh? Oh well….

"OMG! Lola were you thinking what _I_ was thinking?" Corde gasped. "I-I I was!" Lola stammered. "Cool!" Superman said & scratched his butt for he does this when he thinks, or sleeps, or smells, or well, hmmm it is quite often this maneuver of the butt scratching occurs….

Well anyway, I know, I say well too much, but well, it's hard to get a synonym. "This is indeed intriguing, a very exciting occurrence ." Wesley nodded his head to emphasize what he just said. "Don't be troubled, we'll figure this out!" Angel said. Must admit, lovin' all the attention I'm getting. Maybe if this continues we could end up going up/ Finish that thought Chase & I will smack you!/ Sorry Lola Cordelia looked all embarrassed. "We must help them!" Angel said. "We must stop this!" Wesley said. "We must sing!" Superman said. "WHAT?" everyone asked. "S'not like I wanted to say it, that stupid announcer made me say it!" Superman complained. Suddenly Wesley said pookie bear 3 times.

"Wow!" the spell that Wesley did worked! I can't read Lola's thoughts anymore!" Corde announced! "Yay! But we still have no plot." Lola said. "Or do we?" Superman asked cryptically. "Uh, no we don't Superman" Lola said, rolling her eyes.

"I know! Let's all go to the mall!" Cord said. "NO" all the guys said at once. "Fine then. What are we to do?" Corde was depressed.

Just at that moment, the earth started shaking. "It's the apocalypse! AHH!" screamed Wesley. The ground then broke some & formed a hole. Smoke began to erupt from the hole. "OMG!" Everyone yelled in pure terror, for the thing that rose from that hole was not human, or any recognizable beast. No, it was worse much worse. Like when someone spills chocolate milk on your white pants, but even more badly than that! In fact, it was so horrible, so terrible. I'm not gonna tell ya! MARY: Announcer! You tell them right now or I'll let bad things happen to you… ANNOUNCER: fine….

Anyway, the horrid creature was none other than…. Tbc…

"For the love of cheese! It cannot be!" Wesley cried in pure terror. "Make it go away!" Lola screamed. "It's not so bad" Said Superman. "Uh, Superman, you're looking the wrong way" Lola said. "oh." "AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Mommy!".

"It's to dreadful to look at!" Cordelia flinched in alarm. "I don't know, it's kinda cute, in a way," Angel said. Everyone stared at him. "What? Oh come on! I'm like a mix of Wesley & Superman! It's like I'm either stupid, or smart! I have no identity, because Mary doesn't really want to bother with the show when she writes these stories! What's up with that!" Angel yelled at the writers.

"It is rather confusing…." Wesley said.

"And why do I ALWAYS want to shop! Never anything else, like dates, movies, or even party!" Lola raged.

"Indeed, I do seem to have a rather strict vocabulary…" Wesley said.

"And exactly what is the deal with all these weird out relationships? Huh? Clark & Lola are always together, but what about me & Angel! It's either we're hinting, oblivious, or already there!" Cordelia screamed. " Speaking of relationships", but poor Wesley was cut off by an even madder Superman. "And hey! We never know what place we're going to end up at next! Like will it be an AU where I'm with Buffy, have a job as a toilet cleaner & secretly eat Kleenex! What the heck is happening up there!" he demanded.

_"Well, little Clarky-poo, your rant gave me a good comic idea…. I just might do it" _"No MARY! Pleases don't! Buffy is not for me & stuff! Why must I suffer! Oh why must this super-hero-clad-man-form-man must suffer! If only I were Super Hombre! Then Buffy's evilness would not affect me! But alas, I am not! So my overly sexiness, must be wasted on a scrap of cheese wrapper. (Sigh)." Superman spouted off. "Hey! That's my ex you're talking about!" Angel shouted. "And your point would be?" Superman asked. (Shrugs shoulders) "Don't know, but I figured I had to say something. She might be hidin' in here or something ya know." Angel said.

When low & behold. Who was that hiding behind the wine rack? "This isn't gonna be another one of those unsolved mysteries is it? Cuz we still have this gapping hole in our basement floor & if we have to pay for it, I want to know what came out of it!" Cora shrieked. _"Well, Cord, it just so happens that the jack-in-the-box thing is the thing behind the wine rack"_ "Oh ok then" Corde nodded her head.

"Uh guys, when did we get a wine rack?" Wesley asked._ "You never had one…TILL NOW! (Evil laughter)._ "Oooh-kay" Lola rolled her eyes. _"Do you mock me? Do you feel that you, my brain thoughts can have such power to do so & not pay the consciences? DO YOU!" _

"Psht. What are you going to do? You're the crazy, over dramatic, romantic, & did I mention bad at endings one?" Lola barked. _"No Lola, I shall not be the one whom to be dishing out your punishment. No, in that subject, my dearest co-author is the one suitable for the job…." (Evil smile)._

"N-no! Not the awesome writer of comedy, plot helper(thanks for everything, you rock), action-y, & the actual good at endings one!?" all shouted in fear. _"Duh! How many co-authors do you think you have on this comic? Only the two of us are the writers, for that gift has been given to us! For our hands to be interments for the 'Amazing Adventures of Superman & Angel' that gift was offered to another, but they felt it was stupid, so the gift was not given to them as it was us…." _

_"_Told ya she was OVER DRAMATIC" Lola whispered to Cora who nodded.**"Behold! Tis I! Mighty Maryanna! AKA, co-author of the comic, we own no fandoms! What has brought you to call upon my powers, Mary?" TBC"**_I Have Maryanna, for these beings think they can dis & demand from us!" _**"They are stupid for thinking such a thought! WE made them& WE can kill them! So what should their punishment be? Torture? Fire? Washing the dishes?"**

" Cheddar, What's the difference! They are all horrible!" Cordelia whined. "Uh, could you tell us what came from that whole already? Cuz it's bugging the Swiss outta me!" Lola yelled in an outrage! **"Are you sure you can handle the truth? Or the very knowledge that is the thing behind the wine rack?"**

"If not, could we at least drink the wine?" Angel asked. _"No! Not yet at least….Maryanna, should we tell them?"_ **"Sure, I see no harm in this!"**_ Announcer please?__"_

Ok, ok here goes! The thing behind the wine rack was none other than the most defining thing, which summons emotions so primal, so intense, that man cannot see it without feeling those primal emotions!

"Hello! Been there, done that much? Say it already!" Corde stamped her foot on the floor. Sheesh! You'd think they'd have a LITTLE patience, but no-oo! Ok so the primal urge-driving thing was…. TBC! "NO! NOT AGAIN! YOU ARE GOING TO TELL US & NOW!" Superman yelled.

Pfft. Fi-ne! ok so the thing was Barney, the Dinosaur! "B-B-BARNEY! It's Barney! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I love you! " yelled a male voice as he ran up & gave the dinosaur a hug! "Awe!" Said both Lola & Corde.

"Wait a minute! Which of the three of us are you making love that stupid thing?" Asked Angel. "Yeah! Not me!" Superman yelled. "Or ill quit!" he added. _"That's no fair! I wanted to make you dumb! Oh well, alternative #1. Since Maryanna & I are currently making Angel dumb, Superman you are off the hook"_

"Yes!" Does victory dance. "I'm not dumb! I'm not dumb!" He sang! _Clearly_ proving his point, (lol). "Do I hafta?" Angel begged. _"Yes, I'm using this to emphasize something about Wesley's characteristics." Mary -simply- stated._ "huh?" Angel asked. **_"Look, just shut up & Hug the dinosaur!" both Maryanna & Mary shouted._ "Make him say he has an un-dying love for him too!" Maryanna said.**_ "OOOH! Good idea! You are so creative" Mary snickered at Marianna's idea & the results that would help shape some sort of plot._

Talk about your run-on sentences! Lol! _"Shut up"_ FINE! So anyway, Angel ran up & hugged the purple dinosaur. "I love you! You're my hero! Whenever I get happy, I think of you! If I had the ability to lose my soul, the very sight of you would have made me lose it. Oh Barney! I love you! You love me? Let's be a happy family? getting all naughty with a great big _hug_ & a kiss from me to you… wont you say you love me too?" Angel purred. Then he & Barney made out!

Wesley stood there, shattered. That dinosaur is going down Wesley plotted evilly…. " Ha! I'm not dumb!" Superman was STILL singing!

"Ok so you're telling me, that Barney, broke into our hotel, threw the basement FLOOR, so Angel could declare an undying love? What are you nuts? Tell me, what do you have to say for yourself!" Corde seethed. _" Bet none of you were expecting THAT!" Mary laughed evilly!_ **"Ha! Mary you truly are the crazy one!"** _"Thank you, but with out your help, I'd have no box to be inside, seeing as I ALWAYS am thinking outside of it!" Both Mary & Maryanna laughed._

"Ok this story is so psycho! I want some thing cool to happen!" Lola demanded. _"Fine, but only cuz I got a totally awesome idear!"_

Suddenly Cora had a vision! "I see…. Monkeys! They're, they're attacking a…. giant shoe!, no not shoe, a shoe STORE! There's a girl in trouble! Hurry!" Corde yelled as the gang all listened.

"Come on Barney! We must fight super natural evils to defend the girl that is in the store of shoes!" Angel said. "Oh-Kay-Doh-Kay! Let's all be friends" Barney said. "Yes! The evils MUST be stopped!" Superman stopped singing to announce that & to scratch his butt. Hey! I told you that is a very common maneuver occurrence!

"Right! Something's butt to kick! I'm in!" Lola roared. "Indeed." Wesley was excited, for stupid purple dinosaurs tend to be accidentally killed in fights with giant monkeys, while defending a shoe store & a girl, & the killer of said dinosaur was usually a jealous British Man, named Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, who looks nice w/ his not totally shaved face & those sexy coats & eats muffins & is a smart guy that wears glasses. WHAT? OK, FINE! It doesn't happen THAT much… Anyway, the gang rushed to the scene in Cord's vision.

Looks like the monkeys had just arrived. Lola instantly got into it, kicking & punching with the ferocity of a wild animal! Superman, took another route, he just started luring the monkeys away from the girl with giant bananas. Wesley was momentary distracted by the bananas, enough said.

"Oh Barney! I cannot leave you to be alone! I have only just found you! PBS is not enough!" Angel & Barney held hands/paws? Hmmmm, lots of 'creatures' from PBS in this story. " I'll be fine! Afterward we'll all sing a song & do stuff. Muffin stuff" Barney smiled, ;0 "Ok, but don't 'accidentally' get killed by a rouged, good-looking, British guy, who looks good in sexy coats & however else the announcer described him. OK?" Angel pleaded. " I promise" Barney said. Hee, Hee, Hee.

So the fray continued, Lola kicked the most hairy primate butt, Superman ate a banana with his new friends, the monkeys, & Wesley saved the girl. All was well, when Wesley suddenly pulledout his shotgun, on 'accident' & aimed on 'accident' & killed Barney, on 'accident'. Bang! Slow mo, yo! "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"!

Angel cried as he ran to Barneys side. "Barney! Oh Barney! This can't be happening! You promised you wouldn't die! That you wouldn't leave us! That you wouldn't leave (sob) me…" Angel cradled Barney's head in his hands, tears spilling from his eyes. "I'm sorry" Barney sobbed as well. "C-can we sing the song, OUR song, one last time?" Angel asked. Barney nodded. "Please" he begged. "I-I love you " Angel sang. "You love me" Barney sang. "We're a happy, family" they sang. "With a great big hug" Angel hugged him. "And kiss from me to you" Angel kissed him. Barney's eyes fluttered close as he died. " W-wont you say you ,sob you love me (sob) too…." Angel cried for his lost dinosaur.

Hey! I spelled dinosaur right! _"Do you mind! This is a very heart wrenching part, & all w/ the spelling!" Mary was mad!_ Sor-ree! "Angel it's ok. No one liked him much anyway. I doubt he'll be missed. In fact, I think people will LIKE that he's dead" Superman -tried- to be comforting. "Geeze Superman! Why don't you just stake him right now" Lola rolled his eyes.

"Angel, he wasn't even REAL. It's ok!" Wesley was feeling great! Ha! My plan is working! Step 1: Kill dino, 'accidentally'. Step 2: Swoop in rather heroic & studly :) & last but not least, step 3: $Eats muffins! Wesley put a hand on Angel shoulder. Suddenly, it was like almost dawn, wow, weird how time works in stories huh? O well….

"Let us go! For I do not wish to miss the milkman! I want some milk & Cookies!" Superman was hungry. "You don't have a milk man!" Lola slapped Superman upside the head.

Wow this story is pretty long! & if I may say so, darn good, so I think ill print out what I've got now & see how the feedback is ! :) Now to spell check…. gulp P.S. no comment :) I own no fandoms, but it was nice playing with them! :)


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